Sunday, October 26, 2008

Time For A Change

[Time For Change!]
"Things do not change; we change."
- Henry David Thoreau.


Right now I'm in a bit of drama and I despise drama, however drama always tends to find me. I haven't told anyone in the city, not even my friends, about this drama situation so I feel a bit nervous and alone. I have a tendency to do that... I usually keep things locked up inside of me until I'm going to explode, usually because of trust issues.
The only individuals I've told my drama dilemma to are Bruno {from Paris, France} and Bali {from Manchester, UK}. I've only trusted them because they are fabulous individuals who semi-understand me and I can relate to. I always feel open with both of them, as I can say almost anything without worry.

As I realize it all the more, there is nothing for me here in Houston and I really want to get out of here! I have to start focusing more on my fashion studies, find a part-time job, get a new internship, etc. I know what I must do and I have to strive to work hard; quit being a total sloth!

I think I want to intern at Lawndale Art Center. But, I know it's going to be hardcore. I need to get myself ready for it!

I need change!
I need to stop asking for change and start being the change.


I'm thinking about not hanging out with my friends in Houston that much. Mostly I just want to start doing more things I love rather than sacrificing myself for their happiness! Plus, I don't like their realm/vibe. I want new friends and I want to stop complaining all the time about it! I want to be around individuals that bring out the happy in me and individuals that I can be free around. Of course I first have to work on being free and happy, from the inside.

The struggle continues...

Monday, September 29, 2008

I'm Getting Older By The Minute


I'm turning 21 tomorrow!
Yay, for me. Soon I'll be old enough for botox injections {haha}.
I should be rather excited, but unfortunately I'm not so much.
It's just the usual: I have classes.
Nothing special.

Two of my friends want to take me out during the weekend, but I really don't want to bother.
It's just that... my two friends are kind, but they don't understand me at all! I'm sure they'll take me out to some lame place, expecting that I'll like it and I'll have to "fake" happiness like faking orgasms!


Should I just be glad to go out
or should I demand my birthday wishes in spite of the hopeless realities?

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Fall Semester Is Around The Corner

Monday, August 25th - fall semester officially begins.

Lately, I've been really lazy [sloth-mode].
This whole month I've been watching so many movies, it's insane. I've never done anything of the sort before.

In theaters only, I saw:
- Savage Grace on Thursday, August 7th
- Brideshead Revisited on Sunday, August 10th
- Priceless {Hors De Prix} on Thursday, August 14th
- Dark Knight on Saturday, August 16th
- Tell No One {Ne Le Dis à Personne} on Sunday, August 17th

I didn't get to see Roman De Gare, as anticipated. Eh well.
I might watch [the documentary] Man On Wire next week though.

The other films I really want to see, in theaters, are:

Genre: Comedy, Romance, Drama.
Rated PG13. Running Time: 1 hr. 37 mins.
I mostly want to see it because of Penelope Cruz's character and for the beautiful city of Barcelona, Spain.
At first I didn't really want to even see the film because I had no idea what it was about and I'm not really a huge fan of Scarlett Johansson, but after I saw the trailer I fell for it and I really want to watch it now.


Also known as "Une Vieille Maîtresse".
Genre: Art/Foreign, Drama and Adaptation.
Running Time: 1 hr. 54 mins. Not Rated.

It's a French film about a man who is about to marry a virgin that belongs to French royalty, but a lot of the townspeople think the marriage should be "forbidden" because everyone knows the man she is about to wed is addicted to his mistress whom he's been with for years. So basically he's torn between two women - the virgin whom he is about to marry and his long-time mistress. I think Asia Argento, who plays the mistress, has done a great deal of wonderful acting in this film, which I'm solely judging from watching trailers. I'm not very familiar with her work as she's an Italian actress and I haven't seen any of her previous films but I'm sure this film will be wonderful.

Also, I might watch Tropic Thunder - the Ben Stiller comedy flick.
My friend wants to watch it and I sort of want to watch it.
I like Ben Stiller and his movies are hilarious, but I usually really like watching thought-provoking films that have a true essence to them.


Yesterday I checked out the book Deluxe: How Luxury Lost Its Luster by Dana Thomas at the local library. It's "an essential reference for any student of fashion, finance or culture" according to Rose Apodaca, who was the former West Coast bureau chief for Women's Wear Daily [WWD].

Last night I only read the "Introduction" and I immediately fell in love with this book - although I've had immense interest for this book for a long time.

I'm going to share a few fascinating tid-bits I read last night...

1.) The importance of luxury in contemporary society, as quoted by Christian Dior when interviewed by Time Magazine in 1957:
"I'm no philosopher, but it seems to me that women - and men too - instinctively yearn to exhibit themselves. In this machine age, which esteems convention and uniformity, fashion is the ultimate refuge of the human, the person, and the inimitable. Even the most outrageous innovations should be welcomed, if only because they shield us against the shabby and the humdrum. Of course fashion is a transient, egotistical indulgence, yet in an era as somber as ours, luxury must be defended centimeter by centimeter."

2.) [Corporate tycoons] bought - or took over - luxury companies from elderly founders or incompetent heirs, turned the houses into brands, and homogenized everything: the stores, the uniforms, the products, even the coffee cups in the meetings. Then they turned their sights on a new target audience: the middle market, that broad socioeconomic demographic that includes everyone from teachers and sales executives to high-tech entrepreneurs, McMansion suburbanites, the ghetto fabulous, even the criminally wealthy. The idea, luxury executives explained, was to "democratize" luxury, to make luxury "accessible". It all sounded so noble. Heck, it sounded almost communist. But, it wasn't. It was as capitalist as could be: the goal, plain and simple, was to make as much money as heavenly possible.

To realize the "democratization", the tycoons launched a two-pronged attack. First they hyped their brands mercilessly. They trumpeted the brand's historical legacy and the tradition of hand-craftsmanship to give the products an air of luxury legitimacy. They encouraged their designers to stage extravagant or provocative fashion shows - at million dollars a pop - to drum up controversy and make headlines. They spent billions of dollars on deliberately shocking advertising campaigns - Dior's grease-smudged lesbian ads to sell purses, Yves Saint Laurent's full frontal male nudity shot to sell perfume (M7) - that made their brands as recognizable and common as Nike and Ford. They dressed celebrities, who in return told every reporter lining the red carpet which company had provided their gown, jewels, handbag, tuxedo, or shoes. They began to sponsor high-profile sporting and entertainment events such as Louis Vuitton at the America's Cup and Chopard at the Cannes Film Festival.
The message was clear: buy our brand and you, too, will live a luxury life.


3.) Luxury brands are among the most counterfeited products today - the World Customs Organization states that the fashion industry loses up to $9.7 billion per year to counterfeiting - and most of the counterfeiters' profits fund illicit activities such as drug trafficking, human trafficking, and terrorism.

*FYI: I suggest the book, Illicit: How Smugglers, Traffickers, and Copycats are Hijacking the Global Economy by [Venezuelan economist and the editor-in-chief of Foreign Policy magazine] Moises Naim.

4.) The tycoons' marketing scheme has worked. Today, luxury is indeed democratic: its available to anyone, anywhere, at any price point.

5.) The luxury industry has changed the way people dress. It has realigned our economic class system. It has changed the way we interact. It has become part of our social fabric. To achieve this, it has sacrificed its integrity, undermined its products, tarnished its history, and hoodwinked its consumers. In order to make luxury "accessible", tycoons have stripped away all that has made it special.

Luxury has lost its luster.



There are a lot of wonderful information which can be learned in this book - if you aren't already aware of the corporate leaders destroying the essence of high-fashion, etc. Also, there are many quotes by Coco Chanel and various other important, revered fashion industry elites.
Plus, at the end of the book there are various sources for other great fashion reads.
One of which is "DV" - the autobiography of Diana Vreeland, who was a noted columnist and editor in the field of fashion. She was fashion editor at Harper's Bazaar, then became editor-in-chief of VOGUE from 1963 to 1971, and completed her career at the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute.
Diana Vreeland was not classically beautiful, but was always fashionable and extremely creative. She knew what suited her and she knew what she suited. She was slightly eccentric and demanding, but when it came to fashion she was always right. She is also known for her proclamations like, "Pink is the navy blue of India!".

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Take Me To A French Film

In 2 weeks, my fall semester college classes start.
I have to sign up for classes still. I tried signing up online but my student login is not working, so I think I have to register on campus.

Lately, all I've been doing is watching independent films.
{Although I should be doing so much more...}


Last Thursday @ 4pm, I watched "Savage Grace".
Ever since I saw the trailer and read the synopsis for the film - I've been dying to watch it!

As John Powers from VOGUE reviewed it best: "A tabloid fiesta of money, kinky sex, and murder. You keep watching to see what could possibly happen next."

It's an amazing film! The acting was superb! The story was a bit disturbing in some scenes, but even more disturbing is the fact that it's based on a true story.

I really admired Julianne Moore in this film. The real delights for me were [British actors and male models] Eddie Redmayne and Hugh Dancy. They are amazing actors that truly will do almost anything to capture the essence of a role/character for a film.

The film is told through (Redmayne's character) Antony Baekeland's point of view - regarding his wealthy family and their fabulously lavish, yet tragic life story.

There is a true essence in this film and I really loved it! Unlike most Hollywood movies which butcher the essence of a film for commercialization purposes - this independent film was mind blowing!

It's definitely a movie for mature individuals - there are a lot of sexual scenes that are more provocative than Tom Ford's uncensored advertisement campaigns. Some scenes even shocked me... and I've seen almost everything (from hetro to homo to tranny) and I don't get shocked that easily when it comes to movies so you can only imagine. But, beyond the amazing homo-eroticism and insane sex scenes (some which are really unexpected and shocking), there lies a true story about love, life and betrayal.

After I saw the film, I wanted to see it again because a lot of it was so surreal and simply brilliant. I couldn't help but contemplate over the sheer amazement of the film as I was driving through traffic. But, I couldn't watch it again as the day I went was the last day the film was playing in theaters - hence my major determination to watch the movie. Oh well, I'm really glad I watched it!


Then, on Sunday @ 10:20am, I watched "Brideshead Revisited".

I had been looking forward to this film since I first heard about it, which was 2-3 months before it was released - where I read about it in MARIE CLAIRE and HARPER'S BAZAAR.

Gorgeous British actors (Ben Whishaw and Matthew Goode)... Amazing acting, story, cinematography and film! I highly enjoyed watching this film and the costume designs were absolutely magnificent!

Now I am deeply tempted to read the 1920s novel written by Evelyn Waugh
, which the film was inspired by.


Another movie I'm hoping to watch this week is "Priceless (Hors De Prix)".
It's playing at the Angelika Film Center & Cafe and I'm hoping I can convince my friends to watch it with me. I think it stops playing in the theaters this Thursday so I definitely have to see it this week!

It's basically a modern day French film similar to Audrey Hepburn's 1961 classic "Breakfast At Tiffany's".
It's a really cute and funny romantic-comedy, that lasts 1 hr and 44 mins. Rated PG13. And although its in French, there are English subtitles.
There's showtimes this week @ 4:40pm and 7:15pm.

I'm hoping my friends and I go to the 4:40pm show because movies before 6pm are bargain price ($7) and I keep attending bargain shows since I'm currently unemployed + trying to save what little money I do have [sadly, no more Sephora splurges].
However, I'm not sure if my friends will watch the French film because my friends usually watch Bollywood and/or Hollywood "blockbuster" films only. They aren't very open-minded compared to me.
Plus, one of my friends only likes to watch PG13 rom-coms and musicals. I don't mind seeing them, but often times those "typical chick flick" Hollywood rom-coms are so boring and so damn predictable!! I swear, it's such a struggle watching films with her. I always have to worry about which movie to take her since she is so fragile (emotionally + psychologically).
That's why lately I've been going to see independent films alone, but I can't drive to Angelika Film Center & Cafe alone because it's really far from my house (1+ hr distance) and it's located in downtown, which I'm not very familiar with. I would much rather go with my friends first and then possibly in the future, if I must, I'll choose to go watch flicks alone or with some other friend that isn't so damn fussy about their preferences in films.

All I know is I never like to waste my money on whatever I feel is not important or worthy. If I spend my money on a movie, I like to research and know about the movie/film before I see it - to make sure I really like it and to make sure I believe it's a total must-see, otherwise I don't bother. I'm very picky!!
I don't like to listen to the "hype" and/or the critics! I go with my guts and listen to my heart (that inner feeling).


Another film I may watch is "Roman De Gare".
It's a French thriller starring Fanny Ardant.

I really want to see it! I may go for the 2pm showing some time this week.
I will definitely go alone for this film because it's rated R and my friends don't share my love for French films + thrillers. Plus, I think it is better for me to watch a movie alone sometimes because I'm a hardcore film junkie and I like to really get into a movie... concentrate on the essence, image and overall entirety of a film.
I guess I'm not like my friends or those average mojo-jojos my age who go to movies to just hang out with their friends, waste money and watch a film that serves no purpose.

Plus, I really want to watch these amazing foreign and independent films while they are in theaters because it's really hard trying to find them or rent them once they are on DVD.

Note: I always, constantly, think to myself that when I grow up I may move to Europe (if not live in New York City) because America has too much censorship - which one can notice when you look at the difference in films and high-fashion mags!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Black Models

Does anyone happen to know
who is this wonderful black male model is?


I've been watching Paris Fashion Week
and this guy is totally killer gorgeous!
[I think I'm developing a bit of a crush.]

I love promoting "colored" models (regardless of their nationality/origin), but I only love to promote the best. After all, I only adore what I view to be the best!

Lately I've been seeing a lot of gorgeous black models that are worth buzzing about. I don't know if it's just this season {with the recent news of Yves Saint Laurent's death} or if the fashion industry is jumping on a "black models" bandwagon, but black models seem to be the hype of this season -- from the new I-D Magazine cover with Naomi Campbell and Stefano Pilati to the Vogue Italia Magazine cover with Liya Kebede, Jordan Dunn, Naomi Campbell, etc.

I felt the I-D Magazine cover was just a lovely tribute to Yves Saint Laurent because he was the first designer to use black models on the runways, etc. But, then I noticed DSquared used several black male models in their Spring/Summer 2009 menswear collection...

And then I got to thinking,
"Are black models just a trend for this season or are they truly here to stay?"

Friday, July 11, 2008

Mr. Friendly


You captivate me.
You mesmerise me.
I fall into you.


You are beautiful!
Inside.
I want to explore.


You are one of the few,
That doesn't try to break me down,
Into tiny fragments.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Shopping At Sephora

There's a new Sephora store nearby, which just opened today.
I wanted to go in the morning, but I didn't have time since I woke up late. So, after lunch I went to check it out... and ended up spending way past my limit!

I'm a hardcore Sephora-holic!


I spend $152.58!

I bought:
- Oscar Blandi Pronto Dry Shampoo 1.4 oz Spray ($11).
- Dior Diorshow Waterproof Mascara in Black ($24).
- Smashbox Photo Finish Foundation Primer SPF 15 with Dermaxyl Complex ($42).
- Smashbox Function5 Self Adjusting Powder Foundation in Medium M3-M4 ($36).
and
- Sephora: The Ultimate Guide to Makeup, Skin, and Hair from The Beauty Authority ($27.95).

Honestly, I was intending to buy Tom Ford's Black Orchid and Diorshow Mascara. Possibly buy Smashbox Powder Foundation and Nars Blush in Orgasm. Of course, once I got inside the store it was a different story...

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Johnny Depp Marathon


I'm having my own personal Johnny Depp marathon.
I admire the man and the roles he plays!

I've seen (in this order):
- Secret Window [2004]
- Finding Neverland [2004]
- Charlie and the Chocolate Factory [2005]
- Benny and Joon [1993]
- Cry Baby [1990]
- Chocolat [2000]

Of course I didn't see them all in one day though.
I saw two movies per day and I've loved them all!
And I'm hoping to see some more this upcoming week.

I love how Johnny Depp always chooses to play eccentric, unconventional individuals and individuals who are treated as "outcasts" by society. I think it really touches a deep part of my soul because I'm one of those types of individuals that doesn't belong to any certain group and always feel like an outcast in society. But, at the same time I believe everyone is human and as such I don't believe in labels or genres, but simply in humanity!
Plus, on a superficial level, Johnny Depp is super sexy! His style is unique and exquisite! I love the man and what the man symbolizes, to me!

Now I think I'm going to watch the E! True Hollywood Story on Johnny Depp.
I shall post more later.


Edit V.1/
Today (Monday, June 16th) I finished watching Pirates of the Caribbean III: At World's End [2007].
I saw the first two movies from the Pirates of the Caribbean series, as well. I think this is the first time for a tri-quel (that I know of) and the first time that it's been good!

I'm going to watch Edward Scissorhands [1990] now. I've already seen the movie, when I was little. This will be my second time. I don't remember much about the movie except it was a very touching tale and the music was lovely. Hopefully watching it again will remind me of how charming the story was.

Edit V.2/
(Tuesday, June 17th) I just finished Once Upon A Time In Mexico [2003], directed by Robert Rodriguez. The movie was mostly comprised of action. I usually like action flicks, as long as there is a point to the action. However, this movie was just pointless *in my opinion*.
The only reason I truly wanted to see the movie was because of the all-star cast: Salma Hayek, Antonio Banderas, Johnny Depp, Enrique Iglesias, etc.

I think I'll watch The Libertine [2005] now. That movie seems more of my interest.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Tough Luck

"Good intentions are not good enough,
ultimately we are measured by our actions
."


Lately I've been feeling ill and I don't know what's wrong with me.
Monday, May 26th - Early morning, I woke up and went to brush my teeth. I had severe abdominal pain. I was burning up and feeling dizzy. It was really bad in the morning that I could do nothing but lie on the sofa in pain. I had never felt so ill in all of my life and I felt like I was going to die, so I had to go to a hospital (which was a first for me and I'm not a fan of hospitals at all)! I spend almost the entire day there at the hospital. I had a CT Scan done to me and several blood tests, only to discover at the end of the day that there's nothing wrong with me.
I had my period, which had just started the night before, so the nurse said to me it was probably just my cramps (but of course it wasn't my cramps, as I would know better since it's my body and plus, my nurse was a man so how would he ever know how menstrual cramps truly feel). Another thought the doctor had: possibility of appendicitis, hence the CT Scan. And I was super scared about the "appendicitis" factor, because my younger brother had it before.
Plus, I don't want to be in a hospital as I despise the hospital environment! I don't want to have appendicitis and I definitely don't want surgery - think about the surgical scars (good God, no!)...

I thought I would feel better after a while as the week progressed.
A few days later, I was going with my younger brother to the Social Security Office to ensure his U.S. citizenship status so he could qualify for college scholarships (as he's currently a high school senior and starting college at University of Texas, San Antonio this fall).
As my brother was driving, I was eating cereal and drinking water because I was hungry and I had to keep myself well for the drive because the heat is so intense - when all of a sudden, I was drinking my water and I started choking. I couldn't breathe! I felt like I was going to die (yet, again)! I wanted to talk but I couldn't.
My brother pulled over and tried to help by patting my back, but I didn't feel like it was helping as it just felt like he was just pounding my back. I was so scared that I was going to get my cell phone out and call 911, but luckily by the time I got my cell phone out I had stopped choking.
I was so freaked out, as nothing of that sort had ever happened to me before, so all through the ride I just sat in shock and silence.

Then a week had passed. My stomach pains were coming on-and-off, but I felt overall alright so I tried to manage.
Sunday, June 1st - My friends and I went to watch the "Sex and the City" movie.
[I'll post my review of the movie later.]
After the movie, I had heard about Yves Saint Laurent's death. At the moment I was emotionless but later as the reality of his death hit me, I became very emotional!
[I'll post a proper tribute for Yves Saint Laurent on a future post.]
It was extremely tragic because already so many ill-events have happened to me recently and then YSL's death was a terrible surprise. I really adored YSL - mostly because of what he stood for and symbolized to me, which no one will ever realize!

Lately, I still have on-and-off again stomach pains and I feel like I'm going to faint sometimes. Other times I'm burning up and feeling nauseous.
I tell myself maybe its because I'm not eating, but that's not it. I tell myself maybe it's the heat and it might be because the heat this summer is dangerously intense! But, honestly I have no idea what's wrong with me as nothing like this has ever occurred to me!

I haven't really told anybody because I know what most people's reactions would be, will be and is.
They always say "maybe you should eat something" because obviously I'm very skinny, so they can't seem to look past my weight and body to really realize anything else! But, truth is I may be very skinny but I love myself and I always know what's best for me because I've been skinny for 20 years. All throughout my life I have always been this body shape and never, once have I been extremely ill! I rarely get sick, as I despise being sick and then every once in a while when I do get sick - I get so much pity! What the fuck? It angers me so much and nobody has an idea of how much it upsets me!!
And worst of them all is my father...

Yesterday I told my mother about my abdominal pain, which still continues on-and-off. Then today I guess she told my father and he gave me such a blah day! I know he cares but as good as his intentions are, his (violent) actions absolve his intentions!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Short Hair Is All The Rage

Yesterday I was flipping through old photo albums, when I stumbled upon a few of my favorite pictures of me in Bangalore.


First off, I loved this outfit when I was little and I still do (made of silk and lace - which is my second favorite fabric, after tulle, as I love anything sheer, classy and feminine). My mom said we bought the fabric from Saudi Arabia and made the dress in India. I wish I had a dress like that, now, or I wish I could re-create the dress because it's just an amazing and unique dress!
Second, I looked like a total supermodel when I was little!
Third, my hair was fabulous in this picture.

Then I got to thinking, I want to cut my hair super short!
I've actually been thinking about it on-and-off, but I haven't made a final decision yet...


Inspirations:

Omahyra Mota Garcia


and,
Prince


P.S. The cute little kid with the beautiful, long lashes is my younger brother.
And the man in the picture with me is not my father! He's this really nice, caring and blessed priest who use to visit us in Bangalore.
I actually had the privilege of meeting him again once when he visited us in Houston, TX (before he went off to Rome and Milan).
Of course, it wasn't the same as times have changed but the priest is still a great, knowledgeable man and I do hope (as well as pray) that the priest continues in the righteous path. Amen!

Also, he lent me the book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey, which I wanted to read so badly after I read that the book was (my favorite Indian male model) Muzamil Ibrahim's favorite book... and I love Muzamil because he's not like an uber vain man - he's smart and classy!
Although I never finished the book (sadly, as usual) so I still have this book to this day. I must read it one day and return it back to him.